January 1, 2010

Strolling down mental memory lane

Wow . . . I just finished reading this blog after re-discovering it after 3 or so years. And, honestly, it was quite therapeutic. Therapeutic because as fucked up as my life is now with my marriage in shambles and a DUI hanging over my head I actually believe I am more stable now than I was when I first started this blog.

One the the most striking differences is the reduction in the number of medications that I take. I can't believe I was taking so many psychiatric drugs! Still wrestling with the love/hate relationship with Zyprexa, I now only take it when I feel mania gnawing at my sanity. I still take Lithium and Cymbalta but the anxiety and anti-seizures medications are no longer a part of my regime.

But, my favorite treatment is a trip up to the gym. I have discovered, for me, one of the best salves is exercise. A 45 minute stint on an elliptical machine works wonders for me. I actually can liken the effects to how Zyprexa makes me feel, even better.

But, while, I think I am doing better than I was when I created Polar Trippin', I am still haunted by the evil lure of alcohol. Between Christmas and New Year's Eve, I experienced a mini-breakdown and holed myself up in my apartment with several bottles of wine. I did nothing but drink by myself. . . .nothing to eat, talked to no-one .. . just drank myself into oblivion. It was just as horrible as it sounds and a total waste of my life. It was pathetic and embarrassing. When will I be done with alcohol?

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