April 2, 2007

Noooooo!!! Don't make be go back

I am in the horrible position of being caught between a happy energetic and creative life and a calm, content, drugged life.

I was cursed with the dreaded "ran out of medicine" situation. I, nor any bipolar person, wants to find themselves there. It is playing with fire, temping insanity. But, it happened because our mail order service didn't mail it out on time and my prescription ran out. I tried to get the pharmacy to give me a few emergency doses until we could have the doctor call in, but insurance wouldn't approve, so it was just a mess. Anyway, the fact of the matter is I have been without my Zyprexa for about 5 days now. And, I feel great.

I feel more energetic. I feel more creative. I don't want to eat constantly. I am happy. I want to have more sex. I am excited about the future. I am me.

But, the pharmacy just called to let me know that they finally got it approved and it's ready for me to pick up.

I have to go back tonight. I don't want to.

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